what do we do?
Having reached almost forty seven years of age, I find I wonder a lot of late about the choices I've made in my life. Maybe this is the beginning of the much ballihooed "mid-life crisis." Gawd I hope not - how pedestrian that would be. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I wonder about stuff lately.
I wonder if I should have actually gone to college after enrolling. I wonder if, maybe, I gave up on someone a moment or two before I should have. I wonder if I'd still be alive if Army medicine, in it's abysmal incompetence, hadn't pitched me out on my ear before the recent wars. I wonder what things would be like if I'd chosen a different career. I wonder how the hell S has put up with me all these years. I wonder if I've done all I could for our son, who's getting close to striking out on his own. I wonder how I manage to get up every morning and drag my ass to that souless hell I work in. I wonder why I'm not an alcoholic or living in a cardboard box somewhere.
What do we do in this life?
Is it just some great cosmic joke? Who's laughing?
I'm not saying my life is a total loss; I just wonder, when I'm gone - what will remain? What mark have I made? Have I accomplished anything that anyone will remember? Isn't that what we're supposed to do - immortalize ourselves somehow?
I'm not really in a funk here, it's not like that. It's just curiosity.
Having reached almost forty seven years of age, I find I wonder a lot of late about the choices I've made in my life. Maybe this is the beginning of the much ballihooed "mid-life crisis." Gawd I hope not - how pedestrian that would be. *rolls eyes* Anyway, I wonder about stuff lately.
I wonder if I should have actually gone to college after enrolling. I wonder if, maybe, I gave up on someone a moment or two before I should have. I wonder if I'd still be alive if Army medicine, in it's abysmal incompetence, hadn't pitched me out on my ear before the recent wars. I wonder what things would be like if I'd chosen a different career. I wonder how the hell S has put up with me all these years. I wonder if I've done all I could for our son, who's getting close to striking out on his own. I wonder how I manage to get up every morning and drag my ass to that souless hell I work in. I wonder why I'm not an alcoholic or living in a cardboard box somewhere.
What do we do in this life?
Is it just some great cosmic joke? Who's laughing?
I'm not saying my life is a total loss; I just wonder, when I'm gone - what will remain? What mark have I made? Have I accomplished anything that anyone will remember? Isn't that what we're supposed to do - immortalize ourselves somehow?
I'm not really in a funk here, it's not like that. It's just curiosity.
posted by David at 9:42 PM
9 Comments:
This is one of my more current thoughts. Memorialize oneself? To whom? I expect to be forgotten - childless, etc. Eventually no one will visit my folks' grave. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it just feels natural. We won't have graves. There will be no place for us to be remembered, which is fine, since there won't be anyone to remember us.
Which leads me to the conclusion that it's better to make an impact now. You raised a child, probably pretty well, probably to become a good man, a good husband, a good father. That's an awesome legacy.
For us, with no progeny? Well, it's kinda what we already do: be kind to our friends and neighbors, to help others when and how we can, to be available to others, to be solace, or light, or respite. To listen, to really hear, to reflect. To share. To shine.
I don't really want to be remembered. I want to be well-used while I'm here. And I mean that in the highest spiritual sense. Get your mind out of the gutter. :wink:
I often wonder about some of the choices I've made in my life so far, and wonder if they were all the "right" choices. I always come back to this: They have been the right choices for me at the times that I have made them.
i wonder about that everyday. and know that the time will come when i can make a bigger impact. I am not sure i care about making a mark. I just want to enjoy all that the world has to offer. and take each moment as it comes. Be the always concious child.
Yours has been your son i am guessing? that is pretty impressive, as i can attest to. Moment to moment is living enough and testiment enough.
mistakes? nah. learning disabilities maybe, but we are changed because of them. Sometimes better sometimes worse. you made the right choices at the time of impact. Second guessing them is non productive.
;-)
Holy hell, I don't think BHD could've put it any more succinctly. I'm with her 100%!
And so far, it's working for her. I certainly think of her and Hobbitt with extreme fondness and warm remembrance--and I know many others do as well.
I also agree with BHD as well. I definitely don't want to be remembered but lived a life full of love and happiness and joy to those around me. It makes me glad to be alive.
BHD gets all her idea from me. Or maybe it's the other way around...
David, plenty, plenty, PLENTY of people will remember you. And they will be fond memories.
Dave's not here! As an almost 54,I'd say yep... your startin the mid-life thingy.Get rid of those thoughts if ya can.And let me know how ya did it!
And high fives to bhd as always.
beautiful
I think, with or without kids, that BHD has summed up quite beautifully what I think and feel about this, too.
It's not so much what legacy we leave behind as what we did while we were here that counts to me.
Post a Comment
<< Home